Peace of Jesus Christ be with you all.

I greet you all in the name of our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ.

Before I start the newsletter, I want to apologise for the delay. I request you to kindly pray for my voice. Because of excess usage, according to the doctor’s advice, it needs strict rest as well as some restrictions. Otherwise, I have to go through a surgery to fix the problem. Due to this, I may not be available for counselling and prayers through the phone. Hence, I kindly request you to bear with me till my voice is restored. Due to these current situations, I am trying to give priority to in person meetings and I am keeping myself away from my cell phone to avoid excessive talking.

I was moved by the Holy Spirit to write about the restoration of a relationship, so this will be the topic in this newsletter. We should not be confused with the previous month’s topic, which was, ‘Earning the trust.’ In this one, we will discuss the steps for restoration. To begin this discussion, we need to realise that in many situations, though we have tried to rebuild our relationships, we failed in it without knowing from where or how we have fallen. We did try but we did not succeed. We may understand why this happens when we understand the true process of restoration.

Basics of restoration:

In the process of restoration, there are few important steps which need to be followed by us in order to communicate our desire for the same and to achieve it. The first important truth we need to firmly understand and register is that the mere expression of the word ‘sorry’ will not heal a relationship. We need to express more than that. Many relationships struggle, and in some cases, they are destroyed because people are struggling to communicate their desire to restore a relationship properly. Sometimes, when we feel what we have done may or may not be wrong to a person with whom we do not have any kind of relationship, then a mere apology or saying sorry is enough for that situation. Let me explain this through an illustration. When we overstep another person’s toes or if our belongings fall on someone, in these situations, since there is no relationship between us and that stranger, saying a sorry or issuing an apology is enough. We do not need to go beyond that. However, for the harm caused in a relationship, we need to go beyond the word ‘sorry.’ Indeed, asking for an apology is a good initiation for the rebuilding of a relationship and when we ask for forgiveness it opens the gates of restoration through which we can enter and inherit the restoration. Many people wonder why when they have asked for forgiveness, still a relationship is sour. It is sad that many do not understand that the most vital cornerstone of restoration is not just saying sorry but instead it is earning back the love and trust through a dedicated process of restoration. Unfortunately, as we all desire quick fixes, we have been used to saying sorry to get over our mistakes in relationships. Maybe, we can express our sorrow through the sorry, but it does not effectively heal a relationship. Therefore, the most important and foundational truth that I want to set out for you is that a restoration or healing of a relationship requires much more than just an apology.

The Process of Restoration:

In order to restore a relationship, we should always look for opportunities to communicate two important points: 1. The hurt and the pain of the person whom we have hurt should become ours, and 2. We should be ready to give up everything for the restoration.

1.          Sharing others’ pain is the most wonderful way to communicate that we are truly committed to the restoration of a relationship. Not only that, additionally, when we share the pain of others, there is a spiritual transformation happening within us, without our knowledge, which is very crucial in inheriting the Kingdom of God. We can see one of the important commands of Jesus Christ in Philippians 2: 3,4 Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. 4 Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others. Hence, by obeying this command, we are making a wonderful side change from darkness to light. Remember, when we hurt others, we indirectly hurt Jesus Christ, who is their saviour too, but when we turn to light, we become the reason for heaven to celebrate, as there will be celebration if one sinner turns to Christ. This holds tremendous implications in our earthly life. When this happens, God will cease from dealing with us in His wrath but will start influencing our lives with His love. Also, we will see God’s assistance as promised in Isaiah 45:2‘I will go before you And make the crooked places straight; I will break in pieces the gates of bronze And cut the bars of iron. It is obvious that once we are drawn to Jesus Christ, the mission of restoration becomes easy and light because the way of Jesus Christ is not burdensome. Moreover, another important change that happens is once you come to light, you cannot bear bitter fruits but only good fruits. People, whom we have hurt will realise our transformation not by out words but by the fruits of the Spirit that are automatically and subconsciously exhibited in us through our transformation. They will see our change exhibited as our new character and habit. When these two things happen, we enter the restoration. However, it is most important to highlight that this is not the end.

2.          Restoration is always sealed with a sacrifice. According to Hebrew 9:22 And according to the law almost all things are purified with blood, and without shedding of blood there is no remission. We can clearly see that a sacrifice is required for restoration. This means that we should be willing to give up anything and everything for a restoration. If we hold back even a small portion like Ananias and Sapphira, it will end in disaster. Therefore, a complete surrender is essential. These sacrifices will help us to figure out the hindrances and hard heartedness which are hiding within us. If we consider a relationship to be more valuable than all other possessions, then sacrifice becomes an easy task. Instead, if we consider self or wealth or other possessions as important, then restoration becomes impossible. This is clearly evident in the life of the rich young ruler who came to Jesus Christ for restoration. Therefore, every restoration needs a kind of giving up in order to inherit it.

An Important Note of Caution:

Sympathy/ Self-Pity vs Empathy/ Compassion

Before I conclude, let me give you a warning. Empathy or compassion is the tool for restoration, not sympathy. Sympathy is defined as, ‘feelings of pity and sorrow for someone else’s misfortune.’ Empathy is defined as, ‘the ability to understand and share the feelings of others and suffer with them.’ In many situations, we are not aware of a deception that is seen in the restoration and rebuilding of relationships, which is, self-pity. Self-pity for us or mere sympathy for others will not help a restoration but will destroy that. Easu’s life is a good example in this regard. In Hebrews 12: 12 – 17 Therefore strengthen the hands which hang down, and the feeble knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be dislocated, but rather be healed. Pursue peace with all people, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord: looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled; lest there be any fornicator or profane person like Esau, who for one morsel of food sold his birthright. For you know that afterward, when he wanted to inherit the blessing, he was rejected, for he found no place for repentance, though he sought it diligently with tears. Here, Easu became a profane person because instead of repentance he tried to attain restoration through sympathy. He tried to use sympathy as a short-cut to obtain restoration. Expressing sorrow and evoking sympathy even with copious tears does not lead to repentance. The present struggle and pain we go through in a relationship is the consequence of what we did. Therefore, instead of pressing the button of self-pity, make a wise choice like the thief on the cross by pleading for God’s mercy which will result in His compassion, which will lead to a corrective process of restoration.

Conclusion:

I would like to summarize and conclude this newsletter by reinstating that we need to understand that a mere apology will never fix mistakes or relationship problems. If we desire for a restoration, we need communicate the same by taking part in others’ pain. Our willingness to be a part of the healing process of a relationship with a person whom we have hurt needs to be fueled by our sacrifice. We need to communicate with the one with whom we want to reestablish a relationship as to what is important for us, i.e., the relationship and our willingness to sacrifice for it. Additionally, we need to be cautious in protecting our mission of restoration from all the deceptive tactics of satan by not giving room for self-pity, as self-pity will never help a relationship. We need to be committed for the long haul and not look for shortcuts or easy ways for a restoration. Finally, all this is possible when we let our eyes always long for His mercy.

May His Love, compassion, and mercy preserve you from all the corruption in the world and help you to grow in the love for the truth and make you sensitive to His guidance.

God be with you all.